One of the recurring themes of my sad, sorry life is my inability to find that ideal sidekick who’s just the right combination of brainiac, goofball, sidekick, hipster, nerd, sexual dynamo, little kid, and muse. Granted, I’m pretty fussy, but I can’t be the only fag in the world whose criteria are so inconveniently eclectic, can I?
Are you wondering if you’re the kind of fella I might like? Browsing around
here in the RumpWeb will certainly give you some idea of the kinds of things
that capture my interest. Of course, you probably wouldn’t even be considering
all this nonsense if the things here didn’t strike a chord with you already.
As far as the looks and style issue is concerned, see if you fit the bill
by checking out the next page for some visual references.
NOTE TO THE OLD-FASHIONED: If you don’t want to think about this sort
of thing, DON’T GO LOOKING AT IT! I’m not saying there’s anything smutty
ahead — there’s definitely not — but there is some pretty strong imagery best left to the eyes of those who care for it, and I don’t want to hear any clucks of
disapproval because you’ve got a hopelessly fifties attitude about my penchant
for other guys.
If you’ve come this far, you should know right off the bat that I’m not holding out for some unearthly hunk that’s so far out of my league that I may as well be playing another sport altogether. Attraction is a delicate balancing act of looks, personality, wit, style, and all that other junk. It’s too hard (and it would be too misleading) for a simple guy like me to try and come up with a bulleted list of stuff that makes me all hot and bothered and sappy and mushy. Of course, I also know what will make me lose track of what I’m thinking if I see it walking down the street. So to give you some idea of what sets my hormone’s a-raging (as far as purely external qualities go), here are a few quick things to look at.
You’ve either got a morbid curiosity or a hopped-up libido. Either way, here’s a peek at the racier side of the Rumpus Room.
Now a boy’s gotta have some standards, so why don’t you tell me a little about yourself. Remember, a few witty quips and a few interesting facts that hint at some authentic personality will probably work a lot better than the generic "cute, straight-acting, like movies, biking, and dining out" crap that you see over and over (and over and over) in most personal ads, so relax and let it all hang out. After all, that’s what the Rumpus Room is all about. If you’re really ambitious (and ambition is also a plus), you can send me a picture. I’m one o’ them artsy types that likes to see stuff a lot.