Ultrasparky

Despite my inexplicable fascination with Captain Marvel, Jr., I find Shazam Family comics almost impossible to read, at least the golden age ones, and all the kiddie versions that DC published for so long. Mr. Mind, though, was always a genius idea for a super-villain. I was so pleased to thumb through a copy of the JSA recently and discover that he’s still around.

There’s no particular reason for this post, other than that I found this panel while going through some old issues of Shazam and I just love that drawing and that snippet of dialogue. A telepathic alien worm who can survive electrocution! Genius, I swear.

It was entirely too perfect to walk into the comic store this morning to witness on of the regular crew of cliché-ridden clerks earnestly singing along to Radiohead’s Creep.

Yes, it’s utterly awesome that Jacques Cousteau’s grandson has built a shark-shaped submarine, but if comic books have taught us anything, then we should all get ready for this to fall into the hands of a super-villain looking for a gimmick.

I get all moist when I see true love in full bloom, don’t you?

Countdown to Infinite Crisis may be many things — and I’m sure opinions about what thet may be will vary — but I think it’s one of the most touching coming-out stories I’ve ever read. Oh, sure they don’t really say anything, but I’ve run across a lot of these, and I can see all the signs.

Ted Kord is rich computer genius type who’s a little dorky (hot), but despite all he’s got going for him he (1) feels really insecure around the popular guys. He also (2) leads a secret life, running around at night (3) wearing outlandish outfits and having adventures. He seems to have (4) token crushes on Batgirl and Wonder Women, but they (5) just think he’s sweet but harmless. It’s painfully obvious, though, that he (6) is in love with his best friend, the (7) handsome blond spokemodel who (8) mooches off him. After Booster is attacked and hospitalized, poor Ted dashes off to find the culprit, leaving a (9) melodramatic farewell with the nurse. As you can imagine, there are a number of plot twists meant to entice readers into buying more comics during the next year or so. And the biggest very-special-episode cliché of all…? (Warning: spoilers ahead.)

Continue reading “Beetle’s Blue”

Spoiler queens take note! I’m about to rant a bit about the latest issue of Astonishing X-Men. Proceed at your own risk, if you’re the type to get all uppity about that stuff.

Continue reading “Danger Is Her Middle Name”

The Bendis-ification of the Avengers is still just beginning to fall into place, but I’m digging it. I was never especially into the old Avengers (except for the Wasp and her ever-changing costumes, but they sadly managed to tone down the fun, socialite side of her over the years), so I’m not as horrified as some folks by the new cast of characters. I wouldn’t say this is Bendis’ strongest work yet, but at least he cherry-picked a great cast of characters that he knows how to write. The plot may be moving along slowly (a sure sign that the story is being paced out for the trade paperback, an epidemic of sorts these days), but the dialogue snaps, cracks, and pops like a Preston Sturges flick.

With Alias, Bendis made me a fan of Luke Cage, which I would never have thought possible. He also gave the latest (and now the late) version of Ant-Man a real personality, which was miraculous. He put Spider-Woman back in action (and gave her donut jokes!), for which I will be forever grateful. Most of all, though, he made Spider-Man funny again.

Spider-Man is totally my type. Well, I like all sorts, but I keep coming back to smart, funny, sad sacks. Especially if they’re wiry and limber. Spidey’s never lost the wisecracks altogether, but so many folks who write for him play up the unending misfortunes, the hot model for a wife, the tedious angst of it all. It’s so charming, and hence kinda hot, to have him acknowledging all the goofy plot twists that have happened over the years and make light of them all. Now that’s why he’s my friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. You show me a bookish guy with nice arms and a skinny butt who handles adversity best by focusing on the absurd, and then I’ll show you me all starry-eyed and swollen-trousered. He fights crime, too? heaven.

I love this bit of banter as the new team rockets off to the Savage Land (dont’t ask)…

David Finch’s art is also rocking. Spider-Woman looks really glam, and I get a kick out of Cap reading the newspaper, and Luke Cage with his GameBoy or Blackberry or whatever he’s got there. I just like way they’re all nonchalant, like they’re on the subway. It’s a nice touch.

You can’t expect comic books to accurately portray the workings of the real world, especially as the real world evolves further and further out of sync with the underlying premise of a comic. The New York of the Marvel Universe, for instance, bears less and less resemblance to to my New York (and not just because Magneto didn’t do anything to fuck up my morning commute last year). Sure, I can walk by the Avengers Mansion or take the subway to Spider-Man’s neighborhood, but there’s not much more resemblance than that anymore. Marvel’s contemporary New York is still based on Stan Lee’s fictionalized version from a couple of generations ago, which hasn’t had the same churning real estate market as the real thing.

I get a huge kick out of the version of Hell’s Kitchen that Daredevil protects with such dedication. His Hell’s Kitchen is still about the poor and the downtrodden in their seedy apartments and dive bars, and the crime rings that prey on them. The actual Hell’s Kitchen (which the realtors are trying to get us to refer to as “Clinton”) is more about gays, tourists, and luxury rentals these days.

I would love to see Daredevil start interacting with the area’s steady influx of homos and realtors. Maybe another cocktail lounge or an Olive Garden could open up down the street from Nelson & Murdock’s office, or maybe Matt could look into subletting the first floor of his townhouse for a couple grand per month. Considering the city’s colorful history of gay bars getting protection from the mob, wouldn’t it be awesome if the Kingpin’s cronies opened up a huge gay disco in Matt’s favorite church? With go-go boys dressed like Daredevil? That would be more grittily realistic. And still ripe with dramatic potential, don’t you think? Daredevil could totally use a drag-queen sidekick.