I Really Dig Leather

But you might have guessed that. I like the feel of it, the look of it, the smell of it, the way it can conform so easily to the body beneath it, and all that other stuff that you can read at any of a million other web pages out there. This shit turns me on, but it’s such a delicate balance. I can’t buy into the whole notion of an attraction to leather (OK, I’ll say it — a fetish) being synonymous with S&M or or any of the other rigorously codified culture that seems to have sprung up around it. I love creative and intense sex, but all that’s just not my scene. [Ed. note, circa 2024: Seems like I just needed time to embrace a more comprehensive approach to kink and fetish, which. took a little more time.] I can get past the goofy anachronism of a lot of the standard leather “look” because something about it still works, but so many guys go so over the top that it backfires. Leather can go from zero to cheesy in about two seconds if a guy’s not careful. Or it can go from zero to damn sexy in about as much time.

Did I have a weird, supressed childhood fascination with the Fonz? With Roddy McDowall as the Bookworm on “Batman”? Do I have some issues with either latent or coveted machismo? Was I subjected to contraband Tom of Finland drawings at an early, impressionable age? Maybe it was those Ghost Rider comic books. Who knows? I sure as hell don’t. I just like to revel in it once in a while. And anyway, if think this is extreme, you should hear about my inexplicable fascination with nerdy, skinny guys with glasses.

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Birthday Wishes

My birthday is coming up shortly enough. This time around, I feel like I owe it myself to have a real blow-out of a time for the last birthday of my twenties. Despite my massive party-phobia, I’m planning a big birthday/housewarming shindig that will hopefully lure scads of my most beloved pals all the way out to the murky depths of East Williamsburg. We’ll see. I still remember the big Christmas dinner fiasco of 1996…

I just got back the other day Tuesday from visiting my parents in sunny Florida. It was wonderful to spend some time with them, but a little strange to see them living in a house where I wasn’t raised. The whole time I couldn’t completely shake the feeling that we were all staying in a hotel. But they’re happy as kittens in a sunbeam as they live out their retirement dreams, so I have no reason to complain.

Thumbs down to Continental Airlines, however. Those pricks left Miki and I sitting on the runway in a plane with no air-conditioning for two-and-a-half hours. And we never got more than a soda and some pretzels the whole way down, even though their unexpected delay nearly threw me into hypoglycemia fits. We could have gotten to Europe in the time we spent on that plane!

Settling In

This will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me, but I’ve got too many things going on at once. I’ve got to relax at some point. Or at least focus on just one or two things at a time.

Luckily, I found time (somewhere in the middle of the five jobs) to finish unpacking my books and clothes last night. The artful arrangement of empty boxes continues to grow, and I have access to more and more of my stuff. I think this is the slowest unpacking job I’ve ever done. At least I have the space to spread out to I can get to stuff while it’s still in boxes.

Drat, Foiled Again

So much for ambiguity. Alas, I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. It’s usually pretty obvious when someone’s not as into you as you’d like him to be. What a pain, though, when it IS really obvious that he thinks you’re cool and fun. So you know you’re going to be friends — possibly even good ones — but you have to deal with all the weird stuff until your disappointment fades away. And I thought I was on to something this time, too. Damn.

Lifestyles of the Queer and Famous

Minor Celebrity Sightings of the Week: I was out at The Cock last Saturday and saw internet personality Jonno, who’s cute but stockier than I thought. I also touched Rufus Wainwright’s butt as I squeezed out of the bar.

Aside from that I guess it was a busy week socially, but I’m feeling a little down about it because of the ambiguous goings on with the first really interesting guy I’ve met in a while. I hate when shit like that brings me down. It seems like such a silly thing to throw me into such a big funk that gets me all lazy and depressed.

Not to mention the ever-looming school tuition issue. That’s a real spirit-booster. Wow, I can’t wait to go thousands of dollars further into debt so I can take a few more classes. This master’s degree better be worth all the hassle and the debt. But ask me about it again when I’m in a better mood and better able to rhapsodize about the importance of education.

Thank goodness I finally bought the South Park soundtrack. Thats’s been making me quite happy. “It seems that everything’s gone wrong since Canada came along. Blame Canada! Blame Canada!”

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The Epiphany I Was Waiting to Have

My first reaction to the death of my older brother Bobby when I was thirteen was one of sheer confusion. I remember when I found my sister sitting and crying on the steps to our house, and when she explained that the police had found Bobby’s body in a patch of woods near our house, I just wondered how I was supposed to react. When I walked into the house, I encountered a room full of family members either weeping or comforting those who were. A lot of the details of the next few days are pretty fuzzy, but I still have a few impressions of how I dealt with the situation.

The confusion didn’t really go away. I know that on a gut level, I wasn’t that sad about what had happened. I wasn’t close with my brother — he scared and aggravated me more than anything else. He had a lot of problems, and even at the age I was then, I figured out that he couldn’t go on forever if he kept treating himself the way he did. I could tell, however, that I was expected to be upset, even though I was more numb than anything else.

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Every Life Should Have a Soundtrack

That’s the reason I can usually be found walking around with a Walkman on. I am so consumed by my love of music that I want it to surround me as often as possible. When I walk around, listening to music keeps my imagination engaged, and prevents me from becoming a walking vegetable as I commute.

I find it difficult to restrict my listening habits to just one or two genres. Every nuance of my moods can have a different sort of music that suits it best. If you just look at the list on the right, you’ll see that the evidence speaks for itself.

Unfortunately, as I’ve become an overworked old fart, my concert attendance has dropped off considerably. For one thing, I’ve lost my patience for seeing bands in any kind of stadium or other large venue. They lack any kind of intimacy that allows me to feel really involved in the show. At the same time, I have fallen into a vicious cycle where I stopped seeing shows as often because I wasn’t too thrilled with the indie music scene in Boston my last couple of years there, and now I’ve gotten so out of touch with local music both there and here in New York, that I never know what will be a good show to see, so I don’t go.

To top it off, New York seems to have an inexplicably crappy radio market, so I don’t hear much that way. Thes days I depend on recommendations from friends and what exposure I get through TV and my frequent forays to sample the listening booths at the Virgin Megastore in Times Square. (Sending me into Virgin is like waving an open bottle of gin in front of an alcoholic — so dangerous.)

What Made Me into the Nerd I Am Today

One of my primary reasons for starting the print version of Rumpus
Room
back in 1994 was that I had a burning, frustrated passion for graphic design.

I had gotten it stuck in my head at an early age that I wanted to be a “graphic artist” (I term I now use in reference to printmakers and draughtsmen) — at the time I suppose I thought of it as a more practical goal than my original desire to draw comic books for a living. As time went on, my interest in traditional forms of art never wavered, but I was thinking of graphic design as my vocation.

Working as the graphics editor for The Owl, the school paper at Regis, had whetted my appetite for working with type and illustration, and offered me some of the tools needed to produce Kumquat Popsicle, the one-shot zine that my friend Neil and I produced our senior year. I really loved the kind of visual assemblage that was required to put a zine together, and also got a real charge from having the final creative say in the end product. I bucked the running trend of my college-prep high school and headed off to art school at B.U. on a full scholarship, and put my design work on hold for the first two years while I studied painting, drawing, sculpture, and art history.

I really flowered, though, once I started the design program as a junior. I had already started hanging around the department the year before, since my enthusiasm was too big for me to keep in check, and was anxious to get started. Once I started dealing with honest-to-goodness graphic design issues, I realized that the “secondary” career choice of my youth was probably the best thing I ever pursued. To me, solving the problems and issues involved in graphic design seemed to be the perfect synthesis of my desire and aptitude for art, math, writing, and being anal-retentive. I came to realize that graphic design could be as much a vehicle for self-expression as any traditional forms of art, it just involved different processes and problems. And I could get paid to do it for a living, to boot.

I took it very seriously — I was a total nerd. By the time I graduated, I didn’t think that I had learned all I really felt I ought to, especially about typography, but I was happily free-lancing at a design studio in Chestnut Hill, and figured I would learn along the way. After that gig petered out, I snapped at a chance to take a job as a typesetter for the B.U. Office of Publications, thinking of it as an opportunity to do an apprenticeship of sorts and just focus on the minutiae of type for a while.

Well, that “while” turned into two-and-a-half years of the best education that I ever got in my life, but it was leaving me feeling pretty creatively stifled. All day long fine-tuned my typographic and technological skills, but was usually unable to exercise much creative judgement at all, expected to assist other designers in their work.

I made a brief attempt to take advantage of B.U.’s employee tuition remission program and I started the Graduate Graphic Design program. Big mistake. I was basically wasting time in a class of foreign students with little to no design background, and I spent the whole time repeating work I had done during my last two years as an undergrad. I lasted a semester-and-a-half. By the time I quit grad school, I was incredibly frustrated with my lack of outlets for real design work — especially work that would allow me some degree of expression — so I decided to pursue a self-education. I basically had a good idea of what I wanted to learn, and I would be better off seeking the answers myself. I figured grad school might be a good idea in the future if I felt like I’d hit a roadblock and need some external guidance, but I was to be my own “sensei” for a little while.

So on my return from a trip to visit my oldest pal Eddie in California, I decided to muster whatever motivation I could and turn my experiences from the trip into a zine. Finally, I had some material that I felt strongly about, a creative focus, a particular set of design problems I wanted to tackle, and the available cash to pull it off. It went well and was extremely satisfying, and the mood carried me through to a second issue, which also went well, and for which I set myself a different set of design problems to tackle.

I was sidetracked for a while after that by a few very long-overdue romantic involvements and various other occupations, and then the urge hit me again to take a big step forward with my creative self-improvement program. So I quit the job I then had as a typesetter/techie for Candlewick Press, a children’s book publisher in Cambridge, and free-lanced back at B.U. long enough to save up the money to move back to New York (money which I actually blew on a trip to China, but that’s another story altogether). The point of that was to team up with my other best pal Mark to devote ourselves to an ongoing lifestyle of constructive creative ambition. We’re doing okay with all the side projects, but I’m very happy to report that my career as a designer has finally blossomed now that I’m out of Boston. After a couple of lean weeks down here, I landed a free-lance gig at Thirteen/WNET, New York’s PBS television station, which which lasted for eight moths and still rears its ugly head now and then. I’m also staring down the mouth of a lucrative and intriguing position with the American Society of Mechanical Engineers, which holds some promise for interesting challenges and good perks. I’m finally able to channel all that creative energy into my professional life, which has helped me to become a MUCH better designer than I once was, and that has also given me a renewed vigor once it comes to my personal work.

So wish me luck on a continuing life as a stuck-up, pretentious, arty bastard who’s able to do for a living exactly what he would do for fun if he had to pay the rent by working as a short-order fry cook.

I have HAD It!

One of the recurring themes of my sad, sorry life is my inability to find that ideal sidekick who’s just the right combination of brainiac, goofball, sidekick, hipster, nerd, sexual dynamo, little kid, and muse. Granted, I’m pretty fussy, but I can’t be the only fag in the world whose criteria are so inconveniently eclectic, can I?

Are you wondering if you’re the kind of fella I might like? Browsing around here in the RumpWeb will certainly give you some idea of the kinds of things that capture my interest. Of course, you probably wouldn’t even be considering all this nonsense if the things here didn’t strike a chord with you already. As far as the looks and style issue is concerned, see if you fit the bill by checking out the next page for some visual references.

NOTE TO THE OLD-FASHIONED: If you don’t want to think about this sort of thing, DON’T GO LOOKING AT IT! I’m not saying there’s anything smutty
ahead — there’s definitely not — but there is some pretty strong imagery best left to the eyes of those who care for it, and I don’t want to hear any clucks of
disapproval because you’ve got a hopelessly fifties attitude about my penchant
for other guys.

Continue reading “I have HAD It!”