The words were so simple and accurate, I was amazed that I had never managed to string them together myself. They were exactly what I’d been trying to say, and even made connections I hadn’t been able to properly express yet.
“I want a kinky boyfriend.”
I was chatting with a guy online, and we fell into lamentations about the difficulties of meeting guys who were into headier sexual thrills but were still interested in more than the sex. When he said that, I all but smacked my head in disbelief. Eureka! that’s what I’ve been saying in a roundabout way: I want a kinky boyfriend.
I’m not squeamish about other fetishes that go further than just the leather. In fact, I’m open to and enthusiastic about all kinds of kink. What I’m not so interested in is getting into stuff that involves so much trust and skill with guys who I haven’t grown to know. I don’t want to be a modular piece of somebody’s scene, or have some guy just be a piece of mine. I want to know someone, see how he ticks, learn what gets him beyond simple horniness, know the shape of his boundaries, and push them. And have the same done to me.
I’ve had lots of hot, dirty, casual sex and play, and I think it can be a whole lot of fun. It’s fun and cathartic and even educational with the right guy, but I want more. I want more than you can get from a quick roll in the hay or two. I want to get my mind and my emotions involved. I want to make someone dizzy with anticipation and lust. I want to make someone feel secure. I want someone to let down his guard because he knows it’s alright. I want to get past someone’s reservations and get into the whole man inside. I want to open up and feel a more complete version of myself tingle. That’s not casual.
I’ve gotten a handle on the fleeting thrills of casual sex and casual kink. I’ve gotten to know the pleasures of falling in love and the frustrations of not being able to explain what else was missing. After years of getting to know what else turns me on, and how important all that is, I wanna find somebody who can go further with me. I’m willing to be led or I’m willing to take the lead, but mostly I want to make the journey together with a man who sees a similar destination.
Hey Spark–
Pretty amazing…came back and reread your post after our conversation, and you hit it right on the head: “but mostly I want to make the journey together with a man who sees a similar destination. ”
That’s a pretty powerful statement…and not one many can seem to understand.
It’s a simplier version of the quote I use on my aol profile: “To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.”
The hard part is finding the person that is willing to journy along with us, willing to do the work needed, and who can communicate on a variety of levels along the way.
Paul
Beautifully put, Spark, and so simple and succinct at the same time. I too want a kinky boyfriend. I also “want to make the journey together with a man who sees a similar destination”.
Like you, I’ve spent a lot of time and energy in the pursuit of the casual, quick thrill and in that moment the intensity is intoxicating, but fleeting. I’ve learned a lot about what turns me on and what doesn’t and I thank every man who has played a part in my journey of self-discovery, regardless of how small that part was or whether or not I actually got his name.
As I explore my own kinks more deeply and allow myself to go to the places I never would before (for fear of being a total pervert), I am discovering that what truly turns my crank is the power play with someone that I care about or at least have a casual friendship with. I have no real interest or desire to dominate a total stranger who sees me as only another top. What fuels the dominate nature in me is the submission of a man to ME, John…not just a top. Does that make sense?
I seem to be different than most kinky guys who are driven by the conquest of the masses…the more the better…quantity as oppossed to quality.
I am making this statement to you, Spark, to anyone who reads this, and to the universe….I choose quality and I choose the kinky boyfriend that I respect and admire and who respects and admires me both as my partner and as my leather sub in the bedroom. Together we will explore love and life and explore that part of each of us that makes us unique and special both in and out of leather.
From being tied up and raped in the bedroom to holding hands in the movie theater.
From hearing “No, the hood stays on.” to “I love holding you in my arms”
Hmm… what a life that would be. A kinky boyfriend? I’ll take one. 😉