Well that was a steaming pile of crap, even moreso than I would have expected. It was another one of those movies that had me slamming my head in disbelief as it unfolded so heavy-handedly. The only real surprise was how apalling it actually turned out to be.
I wasn’t expecting much. I already knew that the director decided to junk the central metaphor of the whole story because he didn’t think it was relevant anymore. (Of course not: why should we have any reason to believe that further stratification of socioeconomic groups is relevant these days? However, you might notice that in the new version, it looks like Whitey escaped into underground caverns at the first sign of trouble, leaving only people of color to tough it out aboveground, only to be eventually bred for food. But that was probably just an accident, right? Sheesh.)
The only good bits were the main time travel sequence (same concept as the original, but with the added benefit of some magnificent digital effects) and the first hunting sequence, which did a better job of remaking Planet of the Apes than Planet of the Apes did. (Tangent: Speaking of remakes, wouldn’t Minority Report be more interesting if they just went ahead and made it a remake of Logan’s Run instead of making it seem like a remake? Run, runner!)
Granted, I can be a little fussy about well-considered sci-fi concepts, but when the hot Eloi chick asks Guy Pearce why he would want to go back to the past, all I could think was, “Yes, especially when your hair and your skin tone are so much better in the future.” They gave me that little to think about.
(OK, but to give credit where it’s due, I have to admit that if there were to be such massive nuclear explosions on the moon, I have easier time thinking that it would break up than I do thinking it would go shooting off into space like a big round space ship filled with fashionable astronauts.)
And you know that brilliant question at the end of the original movie, the one to the effect of, “If you were going to return to the past and take three books with you to change the future, what three books would you take?” You know, the great philosophical mindfuck that ends it on such a nice note? No sign of it this time. Not relevant, I guess.
Nothing will ever beat the (admittedly hokey) Rod Taylor version of this film, but when the remake comes out in the UK in about 2008 I will no doubt have forgotten about your review and be actually looking forward to it.
You should write more film reviews. Reading that was like watching a dog with a big old bone…
well I’m glad I can miss this one without any remorse. And for anyone who cares, the best sci-fi film to come out in years is freshly out on DVD and tape: Donnie Darko. It felt like such a throwback to 60’s era pulp-type stuff, Issac Asimov short stories and all that. I won’t tell you anything more about the plot other than “a boy and his imaginary rabbit friend,” because that’s all I knew going in, and I really loved how much I was caught off guard by the direction the movie eventually took. All that and a ton of subtle digs at teen horror flicks makes for one incredible movie.
As always, I’m in total agreement with Uncle Dave on this one. Donnie Darko was completely incredible: so much more interesting than I thought it would be. Very darkly funny, too.
As for Time Machine, it’s almost worth seeing on the big screen for the magnificent time-travel sequence if you have the time and money to spare, but don’t kid yourself into thinking it has anything much to offer otherwise.
I saw it last weekend, and I’m forced to agree — not much there worth seeing. (Is Jeremy Irons really that desperate for work, though? Sheesh.) The special effects *were* great, and it did also have one other thing to offer: an occasionally shirtless (though not often enough) Guy Pearce. Woof.
Without the hothothot jailhouse typography tattoos from Memento, Guy leaves me totally cold. Last night, I couldn’t help but think that he only has a few good years left before his cheeks get so hollow that there’s no turning back.
Thanx for the review, Sparky. I had wanted to se the flick when I first saw the ads but yours is another in a line of not-so-hot reviews so I think I’ll at least wait for it to hit the rental stores to see it, if I see it at all. As for Pearce – people have been noticing just how much thiner and more hallow-cheeked he’s become. Granted, he’s always been an otter but it’s become more pronounced with every flick.
In response to the question “Is Jeremy Irons really that desperate for work?” — I’ve been convinced that his relatives are being held hostage by some movie producer ever since his starring role in “Dungeons & Dragons.” I fully expect him to play the villain in the next Beethoven sequel.