Lame-O Is My Game-O

I’d made a secret resolution to pick up the pace around here again, but it was a lot easier to keep when I was home alone for a week bored out of my skull. It’s difficult to string together lucid sentences once distractions from visitors (both social and microbial) start using up one’s free cycles.

In a half-hearted effort to get back on the ball, then, I bring you that least inspired of all postings — the “personal answers to 50 generic questions” meme!

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Somebody needs a shave and a haircut.
2. How much cash do you have on you? About 45 pounds.
3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?” Bore, whore, snore…. For Pete’s sake, does this even matter? It’s not like it’s a trick question that exposes the subtleties of a regional accent like “What’s a word that rhymes with ‘ROOF’ or “AUNT’?’
4. Favorite planet? Risa.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? A very sassy lesbian in Oxford.
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? . . . Sorry, I just passed out from boredom for a second there.
7. What shirt are you wearing? A white Gap t-shirt, which must have been a laundromat mix-up because I’ve never purchased one ever.
8. Do you “label” yourself? I try to avoid it, but depending on your taxonomic agenda you might consider me a nerdy, white, Irish-American, gay, ex-Catholic, hairy, East Coast, HIV-positive, introverted, right-handed, one-balled, near-sighted, carnivorous graduate student of an artistic nature, careening into my late thirties.
9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing? Currently shoeless.
10. Bright or dark room? Mostly dark, at the moment.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? Apparently I enjoy their perspectives enough to read their blogs and copy them by doing this somewhat dull (now that I’m in the thick of it) task.
12. What does your watch look like? I broke free of my watch addiction years ago. The last one was a cute Charles S. Anderson design with jokey New York references on the face, stuck onto a sturdy wristband from the Leatherman.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Cursing the effects of non-drowsy cough medicine.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? “Good to hear from you old chap — was getting a little worried. Sorry to hear that cold is still around, hope it didn’t come from me. Hope all is ok with you — remember, you don’t always have to do what the cards tell you… Looking forward to seeing you soon mate. Take lots of care. Tim”
15. Where is your nearest 7-11? Somewhere in America, probably.
16. What’s a word that you say a lot? Sassy!
17. Who told you he/she loved you last? Special Agent Josh.
18. Last furry thing you touched? Myself.
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? 2 retrovirals, and 5 varieties of cold medicine.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? What is this “film” you speak of? I’m not familiar with it.
21. Favorite age you have been so far? I think I peaked somewhere around 30.
22. Your worst enemy? If not myself, then probably an old landlord.
23. What is your current desktop picture? A scan of my old desktop.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone? Goodbye.
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be? Flying! Oh, hell yes.
26. Do you like someone? I like many people, in many different ways for many different reasons.
27. The last song you listened to? “Blue Collar Man” by Styx is currently playing. I don’t think I’ve ever listened to it before.
28. What time of day were you born? Early morning, I believe. My memory of the details is fuzzy.
29. What’s your favorite number? But if I told you that you could decipher most of my pin codes.
30. Where did you live in 1987? Glamorous Staten Island, New York.
31. Are you jealous of anyone? This could go on forever. Today’s short list: Christian Schwartz, Norman, and any man my age with a thick head of hair and an EU passport.
32. Is anyone jealous of you? Only sad, deluded fools.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? On the subway heading in to work. It’s only when I was in the deli to get a bagel that I turned to face downtown and began flipping out.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? I don’t really have the strength or the sheer body mass to do much about it.
35. Do you consider yourself kind? I try, but my tendency to withdraw into my own little world often counteracts my instincts to be kind.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? If I had to get one? Does that mean the ones I already have don’t count?
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Italian or Portuguese would be the most pleasant to use, but German or French might be more useful.
38. Would you move for the person you loved? It’ll be a looooong time before I’d feel ready to do anything like that again.
39. Are you touchy feely? That depends on quite a lot of factors
40. What’s your life motto? “Give a guy a break.”
41. Name three things that you have on you at all times? Actually, I can think of exceptions to any item I might mention, and those exceptions usually lead to stories I wouldn’t tell in polite company. But if we can all agree that this is asking for a more banal answer I’d have to say glasses, a pen, and a notebook.
42. What’s your favorite town/city? I’m trying really hard to figure that out right now.
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? Frozen pizza, orange juice, and cough medicine.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? That probably would have been a scholarship application I sent last summer (which I got, I might add).
45. Can you change the oil on a car? Ha! that’s funny.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? I got a postcard showing her two beautiful daughters the other day. It made me feel really shitty about falling so far out of touch. Again.
47. How far back do you know about your ancestry? I saw some photos of one of my great-great grandmothers when I was visiting some distant cousins in Ireland a couple of months ago.
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? Americans keep answering this with descriptions of the last time they dressed up (which would probably be my friends’ Alex and Tess’s wedding), but I suspect this is actually using “fancy dress” in the English sense, which would be when I threw together a “naughty Boy Scout” costume a few Halloweens ago.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? My back is really sore from coughing in my sleep for the last few nights.
50. Have you been burned by love? Oh yes, and I been thinking a lot lately that I haven’t even come close to healing from that yet, and probably won’t for quite a long time.