Kicking Off the New Year

Happy New Year! Or at least it goddamn better be. Since the thumpa thumpa coming through my apartment walls has resumed and I can no longer nap in peace, I thought it might be a good time to reflect on the year that’s past and consider the year ahead. See, that way it shows that I’m deep and thoughtful and sensitive, right? (Perhaps I’m just wallowing in sulkiness, though.)

Major Events of 2005:

• • I touched a New Kid’s butt: Much less exciting or tawdry than it sounds, but it makes a good story.
  • My oldest friend almost won an Oscar: I can’t take personal credit, of course, but it was a very big deal and I was exploding with pride.
  • Acute appendicitis: As I often say, nothing is quite as slimming as organ removal. Also, it hurts like a bitch. For weeks. But I’ve got a cool scar. Apparently, I could have died if I hadn’t gotten to my doctor on time.
  • Typecon 2005: My favorite conference came to New York this year, and I loved it again. I count it as an event not just because it was awesome, but because it clarified some things for me and set me down a path that might lead to grad school once and for all.
  • Big, messy break-up: It really did, and continues to, hurt like hell to admit that it was a bad situation, and it was worse to do something about it. Life is a lot better in lots of ways, but I also can’t hide from the fact that I’m still reeling from the giant piles of pain caused by the whole situation.
  • I moved back to Brooklyn: It’s been really nice to have a home of my own again, especially one that actually feels like home. I can’t say exactly why Brooklyn has such a hold on me, but it does. People keep saying that my new place really suits me, which is something that I never heard in Astoria.

Major Accomplishments of 2005:

• WYSIWYG: We’ve put on damn fine shows this year, and I’m very proud of all the design stuff I’ve done, my two performances this year, and the fact that Chris, Andy, and I have kept this awesome thing going for so long.
• Design: Much to my surprise, this latest attempt at self-employment has gone pretty well. In fact, I’ve had more work than I can generally handle, which is certainly better than having less than I need. I’ve also managed to do a lot of great work, especially all the stuff for P.S. 122 this past Fall, when they gave me a pretty free hand to art-direct the hell out of all their marketing and promo stuff. It turns out I’m not that bad.
• Photography: I started taking pictures more seriously this year, and using my own photography in a lot of my design work (and stuff). As a result, I got a bunch of good credits, and I may be branching off into a side business in photography, in case you need anything.
• Teaching: It also turned out that I’m a pretty good teacher, too, which is great since I’ve wanted to get back to that. I started teaching design and type classes at City College last year, but it became obvious during the last couple of semesters that the students are eager to take my classes, and the administration thinks I’m doing a good job. And, most importantly to me, my students have all been doing good work, and I’ve been able to see really incredible improvement in the ones I’ve had in more than once class, in ways that seem to tie in directly to the things I taught them.
• The break-up: It was really hard to finally admit how unhappy I was in that situation. It was bad judgement for me to avoid that reality for so long, but ultimately good to deal with it once and for all.

Major Failures of 2005:

• The break-up: There’s no way for that stuff to go well, especially when you have to choose your own well-being over someone else’s. I failed to make that situation work, and then I failed to convince him to stay my friend.
• Social life: In fact, I failed to convince just about anyone to stay my friend this year, as near as I can tell. I spent so much time paralyzed by depression, unwilling to admit I was unhappy, and buried in work or lethargy that I pretty much lost touch with most people I know. I feel shitty enough about that, but even shittier about not knowing how to repair the rifts. It’s a big conundrum that being around people I love always makes me feel better overall, but it’s the first thing I stop doing when I feel overwhelmed.
• Running my own business: Would someone please, please, please be my business manager and accountant? I’m a total idiot when it comes to managing myself. I can do good work, but I overextend myself, underpay myself, drop deadlines, and generally go mental trying to organize it all.
• Hair: I never got a haircut I really liked when I had a full head of hair, and I can no longer hide the fact that it’s swiftly disappearing. Shaving it off seems to be as much of a cuteness disaster as working with what’s left.

Now here’s the rough part. What am I likely to change in the year ahead? Resolutions are all fine and good, but I think they’re like birthday wishes — better left as secrets until they happen. So what do I think the year will bring me?

Goals for 2006:

• Grad school: I’m crossing every finger and every toe that it will work out, because I think I’ve found the right place to be, a program where I can go type-crazy without all the other stuff I’d have to deal with in other design programs. I’m off to Reading, England, in a couple of weeks to check it out. If they like me, I like them, and Sallie Mae has some money for me, I’m hoping to be an expat student living abroad before the year is out.
• Health: As long as I can avoid any other emergency surgeries, I look forward to another year of robust well-being. Hell, now that my bike isn’t hidden in a basement anymore, I may find myself a becoming little trim in addition to the skinny thing I’ve managed to rediscover already.
• Travel: So far I know I’ll be in England in January and Boston in August. I’d like to spread my wings a little farther than that if I can.
• Friends: If you’ll all bear with me and kick me in the ass from time to time if there’s too much radio silence, I would really like to reconstruct the tattered remains of my circle of friends. It wasn’t you, it was me, and I’m a lot better with you than without you.

[Editor’s note: I realize this whole entry has been long and badly written. I wince when I look at all those repetitive conjunctions and clauses. Fuck it, though, I’m tired and need another nap.]