Much to my surprise, I haven’t actually been very horny all this week, despite all the free time on my hands. When I’m busy my urge to fool around is usually a welcome distraction that often motivates me to actually get the hell out of my desk chair and leave the house (often with very constructive results, if you know what I mean). In those rare moments when I have a bunch of free time on my hands, it usually just gets a bit more intense. I remember the week after I left my job in Connecticut and started loafing around the house again, I almost went off the deep end I was so self-indulgent. That back-and-forth between being kinda horny (and perhaps not taking advantage of it) and really horny (and giving in to it) has pretty much been a constant for the last year-and-a-half.
Part of the explanation this week is that I’m exhausted, and I just don’t have the energy to do that much at all. My body, realizing that for the first time in a while it can just shut down and sleep whenever it needs to, is making sure it gets its rest while it has a chance. It seems to have sent a memo to its various parts making sure I don’t get all worked up.
There’s also not a lot of stimulus here on the island. For one thing I’m here with an old friend who’s more like a sister. And it’s off-season, so it really is a ghost town — all the hot surfer boys have gone back to Rutgers or wherever else they go to school. I mean, the garbage man I saw yesterday was pretty hot, but that’s about it. The Olympics are serving up an impossible bevy of chiseled jaws, gorgeous arms, and and firm buttocks, but in sort of an abstract way that’s not worth getting too hot and bothered about.
Also, I’ve been realizing for a while that I’ve been more interested in settling down again. All these months of lots and lots of sex have been fun but have reminded me just how much more satisfying I find it when I can really get to know someone and care about him. A little variety is fun and all, but tricks are for kids. Or at least for kids who don’t get as turned on by guys’ minds as much as their bodies. When I don’t meet guys who stick around for long (and I’m as fussy as anyone else, so this is no “woe is me” cry), I don’t get to experience that deeper, more holistic variety of attraction. And I’m jonesing for it.
But there’s always hope, right?