{"id":2709,"date":"2012-01-04T22:04:57","date_gmt":"2012-01-04T22:04:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/2012\/01\/04\/the_classic_conc\/"},"modified":"2024-11-28T00:50:38","modified_gmt":"2024-11-28T05:50:38","slug":"the_classic_conc","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/2012\/01\/04\/the_classic_conc\/","title":{"rendered":"The Classic Concordance of Cacographic Chaos"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m rather smitten<\/strong> with this poem<\/a> today, new to me but apparently one that\u2019s made the rounds for decades. It playfully highlights the maddening inconsistencies of spelling and pronunciation in English, providing a vivid example of why I\u2019m always impressed by and sympathetic to the plight of all my friends (and anyone, for that matter) who can take on English as a second language and thrive. Even as a native speaker, there are things in this that highlight tensions between my American accent and the British around me.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

The Chaos<\/i>
\nby Gerard Nolst Trenit\u00e9<\/a><\/p>\n

Dearest creature<\/i> in creation<\/i>
\nStudying English pronunciation<\/i>,
\nI will teach you in my verse<\/i>
\nSounds like corpse, corps, horse<\/i> and worse<\/i>.<\/p>\n

I will keep you, Susy, busy<\/i>,
\nMake your head<\/i> with heat<\/i> grow dizzy;
\nTear<\/i> in eye, your dress you’ll tear<\/i>;
\nQueer<\/i>, fair seer, hear<\/i> my prayer<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Pray<\/i>, console your loving poet<\/i>,
\nMake my coat look new<\/i>, dear, sew it<\/i>! 10
\nJust compare heart, hear<\/i> and heard<\/i>,
\nDies<\/i> and diet, lord<\/i> and word<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Sword<\/i> and sward, retain<\/i> and Britain<\/i>
\n(Mind the latter how it’s written<\/i>).
\nMade<\/i> has not the sound of bade<\/i>,
\nSay – said, pay – paid, laid<\/i> but plaid<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Now I surely will not plague you<\/i>
\nWith such words as vague<\/i> and ague<\/i>,
\nBut be careful how you speak<\/i>,
\nSay: gush, bush, steak, streak<\/i>, break, bleak<\/i>, 20<\/p>\n

Previous, precious, fuchsia, via<\/i>
\nRecipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;<\/i>
\nWoven, oven, how<\/i> and low<\/i>,
\nScript, receipt, shoe, poem<\/i>, toe<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Say, expecting fraud and trickery<\/i>:
\nDaughter, laughter<\/i> and Terpsichore<\/i>,
\nBranch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles<\/i>,
\nMissiles, similes, reviles<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Wholly, holly, signal, signing<\/i>,
\nSame, examining<\/i>, but mining<\/i>, 30
\nScholar, vicar<\/i>, and cigar<\/i>,
\nSolar, mica, war<\/i> and far<\/i>.<\/p>\n

From “desire”: desirable – admirable<\/i> from “admire”,
\nLumber, plumber, bier<\/i>, but brier<\/i>,
\nTopsham, brougham, renown<\/i>, but known<\/i>,<\/p>\n

Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone<\/i>,<\/p>\n

One, anemone, Balmoral<\/i>,
\nKitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel<\/i>.
\nGertrude, German, wind<\/i> and wind<\/i>,
\nBeau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind<\/i>, 40<\/p>\n

Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather<\/i>,
\nReading, Reading, heathen, heather<\/i>.
\nThis phonetic labyrinth
\nGives moss, gross, brook, brooch<\/i>, ninth, plinth<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Have you ever yet endeavoured<\/i>
\nTo pronounce revered<\/i> and severed<\/i>,
\nDemon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul<\/i>,
\nPeter, petrol<\/i> and patrol<\/i>?<\/p>\n

Billet<\/i> does not end like ballet<\/i>;
\nBouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet<\/i>. 50
\nBlood<\/i> and flood<\/i> are not like food<\/i>,<\/p>\n

Nor is mould<\/i> like should<\/i> and would<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Banquet<\/i> is not nearly parquet<\/i>,
\nWhich exactly rhymes with khaki<\/i>.
\nDiscount, viscount, load<\/i> and broad<\/i>,
\nToward<\/i>, to forward<\/i>, to reward<\/i>,<\/p>\n

Ricocheted<\/i> and crocheting, croquet<\/i>?
\nRight! Your pronunciation’s OK.
\nRounded, wounded, grieve<\/i> and sieve<\/i>,
\nFriend<\/i> and fiend, alive<\/i> and live<\/i>. 60<\/p>\n

Is your R correct in higher<\/i>?
\nKeats asserts it rhymes with Thalia<\/i>.
\nHugh<\/i>, but hug<\/i>, and hood<\/i>, but hoot<\/i>,
\nBuoyant, minute<\/i>, but minute<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Say abscission<\/i> with precision<\/i>,
\nNow: position<\/i> and transition<\/i>;
\nWould it tally with my rhyme<\/i>
\nIf I mentioned paradigm<\/i>?<\/p>\n

Twopence, threepence, tease<\/i> are easy<\/i>,
\nBut cease, crease, grease<\/i> and greasy<\/i>? 70
\nCornice, nice, valise, revise<\/i>,
\nRabies,<\/i> but lullabies<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Of such puzzling words as nauseous<\/i>,
\nRhyming well with cautious, tortious<\/i>,
\nYou’ll envelop<\/i> lists, I hope,
\nIn a linen envelope<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Would you like some more? You’ll have<\/i> it!
\nAffidavit, David, davit<\/i>.
\nTo abjure<\/i>, to perjure. Sheik<\/i>
\nDoes not sound like Czech<\/i> but ache<\/i>. 80<\/p>\n

Liberty, library, heave<\/i> and heaven<\/i>,
\nRachel, loch, moustache, eleven<\/i>.
\nWe say hallowed<\/i>, but allowed<\/i>,
\nPeople, leopard, towed<\/i> but vowed<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Mark the difference, moreover,
\nBetween mover, plover, Dover<\/i>.
\nLeeches, breeches, wise, precise<\/i>,
\nChalice<\/i>, but police<\/i> and lice<\/i>,<\/p>\n

Camel, constable, unstable<\/i>,
\nPrinciple, disciple, label<\/i>. 90
\nPetal, penal<\/i>, and canal<\/i>,
\nWait, surmise, plait, promise, pal<\/i>,<\/p>\n

Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit<\/i>
\nRhyme with “shirk it” and “beyond it”,
\nBut it is not hard to tell
\nWhy it’s pall, mall<\/i>, but Pall Mall<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron<\/i>,
\nTimber, climber, bullion, lion<\/i>,
\nWorm<\/i> and storm, chaise, chaos, chair<\/i>,
\nSenator, spectator, mayor<\/i>, 100<\/p>\n

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour<\/i>
\nHas the A of drachm<\/i> and hammer<\/i>.
\nPussy, hussy<\/i> and possess<\/i>,
\nDesert<\/i>, but desert, address<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants<\/i>
\nHoist in lieu<\/i> of flags left pennants<\/i>.
\nCourier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb<\/i>,
\nCow<\/i>, but Cowper, some<\/i> and home<\/i>.<\/p>\n

“Solder, soldier<\/i>! Blood is thicker<\/i>“,
\nQuoth he, “than liqueur<\/i> or liquor<\/i>“, 110
\nMaking, it is sad but true<\/i>,
\nIn bravado, much ado<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Stranger<\/i> does not rhyme with anger<\/i>,
\nNeither does devour<\/i> with clangour<\/i>.
\nPilot, pivot, gaunt<\/i>, but aunt<\/i>,
\nFont, front, wont, want, grand<\/i> and grant<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Arsenic, specific, scenic<\/i>,
\nRelic, rhetoric, hygienic<\/i>.
\nGooseberry, goose<\/i>, and close<\/i>, but close<\/i>,
\nParadise, rise, rose<\/i>, and dose<\/i>. 120<\/p>\n

Say inveigh, neigh<\/i>, but inveigle<\/i>,
\nMake the latter rhyme with eagle<\/i>.
\nMind! Meandering<\/i> but mean<\/i>,
\nValentine<\/i> and magazine<\/i>.<\/p>\n

And I bet you, dear, a penny<\/i>,
\nYou say mani<\/i>-(fold) like many<\/i>,
\nWhich is wrong. Say rapier, pier<\/i>,
\nTier<\/i> (one who ties), but tier<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Arch, archangel<\/i>; pray, does erring<\/i>
\nRhyme with herring<\/i> or with stirring<\/i>? 130
\nPrison, bison, treasure trove<\/i>,
\nTreason, hover, cover, cove<\/i>,<\/p>\n

Perseverance, severance. Ribald<\/i>
\nRhymes (but piebald<\/i> doesn’t) with nibbled<\/i>.
\nPhaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,<\/i>
\nLien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Don’t be down<\/i>, my own<\/i>, but rough it<\/i>,
\nAnd distinguish buffet, buffet<\/i>;
\nBrood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,<\/i>
\nWorcester, Boleyn, to impugn<\/i>. 140<\/p>\n

Say in sounds correct and sterling<\/i>
\nHearse, hear, hearken, year<\/i> and yearling<\/i>.
\nEvil, devil, mezzotint,<\/i>
\nMind the z! (A gentle hint.)<\/p>\n

Now you need not pay attention
\nTo such sounds as I don’t mention,
\nSounds like pores, pause, pours<\/i> and paws<\/i>,
\nRhyming with the pronoun yours<\/i>;<\/p>\n

Nor are proper names included<\/i>,
\nThough I often heard, as you did<\/i>, 150
\nFunny rhymes to unicorn<\/i>,
\nYes, you know them, Vaughan<\/i> and Strachan<\/i>.<\/p>\n

No, my maiden, coy and comely<\/i>,
\nI don’t want to speak of Cholmondeley<\/i>.
\nNo. Yet Froude<\/i> compared with proud<\/i>
\nIs no better than McLeod<\/i>.<\/p>\n

But mind trivial<\/i> and vial<\/i>,
\nTripod, menial, denial<\/i>,
\nTroll<\/i> and trolley, realm<\/i> and ream<\/i>,
\nSchedule, mischief, schism<\/i>, and scheme<\/i>. 160<\/p>\n

Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely<\/i>
\nMay be made to rhyme with Raleigh<\/i>,
\nBut you’re not supposed to say
\nPiquet<\/i> rhymes with sobriquet<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Had this invalid invalid<\/i>
\nWorthless documents? How pallid<\/i>,
\nHow uncouth<\/i> he, couchant<\/i>, looked,
\nWhen for Portsmouth<\/i> I had booked!<\/p>\n

Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite<\/i>,
\nParamour, enamoured, flighty<\/i>, 170
\nEpisodes, antipodes<\/i>,
\nAcquiesce<\/i>, and obsequies<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Please don’t monkey with the geyser<\/i>,
\nDon’t peel ‘taters with my razor<\/i>,
\nRather say in accents pure:
\nNature, stature<\/i> and mature<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly<\/i>,
\nWorsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly<\/i>,
\nConquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan<\/i>,
\nWan, sedan<\/i> and artisan<\/i>. 180<\/p>\n

The TH will surely trouble you<\/i>
\nMore than R, CH or W.
\nSay then these phonetic gems<\/i>:
\nThomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.<\/i><\/p>\n

Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,<\/i>
\nThere are more but I forget ’em<\/i> –
\nWait! I’ve got it: Anthony<\/i>,
\nLighten your anxiety.<\/p>\n

The archaic word albeit<\/i>
\nDoes not rhyme with eight<\/i> – you see it<\/i>; 190
\nWith<\/i> and forthwith<\/i>, one has voice,
\nOne has not, you make your choice.<\/p>\n

Shoes, goes, does<\/i> [1]<\/a>. Now first say: finger<\/i>;
\nThen say: singer, ginger, linger<\/i>.
\nReal, zeal, mauve, gauze<\/i> and gauge<\/i>,
\nMarriage, foliage, mirage, age<\/i>,<\/p>\n

Hero, heron, query, very<\/i>,
\nParry, tarry, fury, bury,<\/i>
\nDost, lost, post<\/i>, and doth, cloth, loth<\/i>,<\/p>\n

Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath<\/i>. 200<\/p>\n

Faugh, oppugnant<\/i>, keen oppugners<\/i>,
\nBowing, bowing<\/i>, banjo-tuners<\/i>
\nHolm<\/i> you know, but noes, canoes<\/i>,
\nPuisne, truism, use<\/i>, to use<\/i>?<\/p>\n

Though the difference seems little<\/i>,
\nWe say actual<\/i>, but victual<\/i>,
\nSeat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height<\/i>,
\nPut, nut, granite<\/i>, and unite<\/i><\/p>\n

Reefer<\/i> does not rhyme with deafer<\/i>,
\nFeoffer<\/i> does, and zephyr, heifer<\/i>. 210
\nDull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late<\/i>,
\nHint, pint, senate<\/i>, but sedate<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Gaelic, Arabic, pacific<\/i>,
\nScience, conscience, scientific<\/i>;
\nTour<\/i>, but our, dour, succour, four<\/i>,
\nGas, alas<\/i>, and Arkansas<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Say manoeuvre, yacht<\/i> and vomit<\/i>,
\nNext omit<\/i>, which differs from it
\nBona fide, alibi<\/i>
\nGyrate, dowry<\/i> and awry<\/i>. 220<\/p>\n

Sea, idea, guinea, area<\/i>,
\nPsalm, Maria<\/i>, but malaria<\/i>.
\nYouth, south, southern, cleanse<\/i> and clean<\/i>,
\nDoctrine, turpentine, marine<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Compare alien<\/i> with Italian<\/i>,
\nDandelion<\/i> with battalion<\/i>,
\nRally<\/i> with ally; yea, ye<\/i>,
\nEye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay<\/i>!<\/p>\n

Say aver<\/i>, but ever, fever<\/i>,
\nNeither, leisure, skein, receiver<\/i>. 230
\nNever guess – it is not safe<\/i>,
\nWe say calves, valves, half<\/i>, but Ralf<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Starry, granary, canary<\/i>,
\nCrevice<\/i>, but device<\/i>, and eyrie<\/i>,
\nFace<\/i>, but preface<\/i>, then grimace<\/i>,
\nPhlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging<\/i>,
\nOught, oust, joust<\/i>, and scour<\/i>, but scourging<\/i>;
\nEar<\/i>, but earn<\/i>; and ere<\/i> and tear<\/i>
\nDo not rhyme with here<\/i> but heir<\/i>. 240<\/p>\n

Mind the O of off<\/i> and often<\/i>
\nWhich may be pronounced as orphan<\/i>,
\nWith the sound of saw<\/i> and sauce<\/i>;
\nAlso soft, lost, cloth<\/i> and cross<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting<\/i>?
\nYes: at golf it rhymes with shutting<\/i>.
\nRespite, spite, consent, resent<\/i>.
\nLiable<\/i>, but Parliament<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Seven<\/i> is right, but so is even<\/i>,
\nHyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen<\/i>, 250
\nMonkey, donkey, clerk<\/i> and jerk<\/i>,
\nAsp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work<\/i>.<\/p>\n

A of valour, vapid, vapour,<\/i>
\nS of news<\/i> (compare newspaper<\/i>),
\nG of gibbet, gibbon, gist,<\/i>
\nI of antichrist<\/i> and grist<\/i>,<\/p>\n

Differ like diverse<\/i> and divers<\/i>,
\nRivers, strivers, shivers, fivers<\/i>.
\nOnce<\/i>, but nonce, toll, doll<\/i>, but roll<\/i>,
\nPolish, Polish, poll <\/i>and poll<\/i>. 260<\/p>\n

Pronunciation \u2014 think of Psyche<\/i>! \u2014
\nIs a paling, stout and spiky<\/i>.
\nWon’t it make you lose your wits<\/i>
\nWriting groats<\/i> and saying ‘grits’?<\/p>\n

It’s a dark abyss<\/i> or tunnel<\/i>
\nStrewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale<\/i>,
\nIslington<\/i>, and Isle<\/i> of Wight<\/i>,
\nHousewife, verdict<\/i> and indict<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Don’t you think so, reader, rather<\/i>,
\nSaying lather, bather, father<\/i>? 270
\nFinally, which rhymes with enough<\/i>,
\nThough, through, bough, cough<\/i>,
\nhough, sough, tough<\/i>??<\/p>\n

Hiccough<\/i> has the sound of sup<\/i>…
\nMy advice is: GIVE IT UP!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

If you’re curious, you can hear an abbreviated recited by Jennifer Dziura<\/a>, a “semi-professional spelling bee<\/a> word reader”. I tried getting all the way through the complete version, but even though I already knew most of the words (and appreciate the Mac’s control-click access to the dictionary more than ever), it’s a real tongue twister to get through them all in one go. Maybe later.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m rather smitten with this poem today, new to me but apparently one that\u2019s made the rounds for decades. It playfully highlights the maddening inconsistencies of spelling and pronunciation in English, providing a vivid example of why I\u2019m always impressed by and sympathetic to the plight of all my friends (and anyone, for that matter) … Continue reading “The Classic Concordance of Cacographic Chaos”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2709","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ultracultural"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2709","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2709"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2709\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":71580,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2709\/revisions\/71580"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2709"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2709"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2709"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}