{"id":1086,"date":"2003-12-23T13:11:39","date_gmt":"2003-12-23T13:11:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/2003\/12\/23\/babys_first_col\/"},"modified":"2024-12-02T20:47:31","modified_gmt":"2024-12-03T04:47:31","slug":"babys_first_col","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/2003\/12\/23\/babys_first_col\/","title":{"rendered":"Baby\u2019s First Colonoscopy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sunday night’s Kiki & Herb<\/a> Christmas show<\/strong> was, as always, a tremendous spiritual and emotional cartharsis. I cheered and hollered, I laughed, and I shared the experience with many old pals, reinforcing my recent vow to ease out of my year-plus period of hermitage.<\/p>\n

The evening was not just a catharsis of the soul, however. Before, during, and after the show I suffered through a process of crampy, gooey, physical cleansing before the following day’s appointment to have a tube-with-a-camera sent up my butt for a look at my innards. While maintaining a brave and cheerful face all night, I secretly cursed the state of modern medical science for its failure to think of a better way to get me ready for my close-up.<\/p>\n

After a rough night’s sleep and a few more hours by the toilet the next morning, I was clean as a whistle and off to St. Vincent’s for my intimate encounter in the endoscopy unit. As usual, I charmed the nurses with my bon mots<\/i> and good cheer, having learned long ago that in both medical procedures and anal sex, the more relaxed you are the better things will go. In the end (every pun intended), nothing looked out of whack in my colon. Although I was awfully glad to discover that I was not riddled with cancer or anything, I\u2019m still frustrated about the ongoing trouble that\u2019s been dogging me for months<\/a> now.<\/p>\n

So far, my crack team of medical experts has ruled out ulcers, polyps, and pregancy (although the ultrasound did turn up a little lesion on my liver that is apparently not cause for the kind of concern that a word like “lesion” would suggest). Maybe it’s a reaction to some of my medicines<\/a> or maybe I\u2019ve developed a food allergy or something, but there doesn’t seem to be much else to do about it right now except tough things out and looking out for suspicious dietary culprits.<\/p>\n

On the positive side of all this, months of gastric distress have done wonders for my figure! I can fit into the snappier items in my wardrobe again, which will save me a costly winter shopping spree to accomodate what was quickly becoming a very fat chassis.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sunday night’s Kiki & Herb Christmas show was, as always, a tremendous spiritual and emotional cartharsis. I cheered and hollered, I laughed, and I shared the experience with many old pals, reinforcing my recent vow to ease out of my year-plus period of hermitage. The evening was not just a catharsis of the soul, however. … Continue reading “Baby\u2019s First Colonoscopy”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1086","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ultrapersonal"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1086","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1086"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1086\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":77527,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1086\/revisions\/77527"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1086"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1086"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ultrasparky.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1086"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}