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Another Friday Night

When you live in a great big open room, it's very easy to feel very small and alone when you go to sleep at night wishing there were someone to curl around you, to shrink the space around you down to the places where you touch.

I realized a long time ago that sex is no substitute for affection. On its own, it's company without companionship, icing without cake. I don't have any problem with sex on its own, but the trick is being aware enough of my longings to avoid tracking down sex when I’m really craving something more. When I’m just horny, the problem is easy enough to resolve here in a big, indulgent city. When I’m lonely, though, the easy solutions are just counterproductive, leaving me feeling lonelier, pessimistic, and occasionally chafed. There are times when I have to really force myself to stay in and not find someone to scratch the itch, because it's not what I’m really after at that moment.

Finding someone with holes to be filled doesn't fill the hole I sometimes feel. sorry, not tonight — I have a heartache.

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