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ultrapositive

Maintenance

Time for the quarterly tune-up. It's really tedious after 11 years, as you might imagine....

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Zinged again

This book! It's good, but more unnerving is how often its arrow hits the mark: It wouldn't be strange to get it and then to decide as Perkins did that this one particular person gave it to you, one out...

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First Mention Of AIDS In Print: 30 Years Ago Today

Thirty years ago, on June 5, 1981, AIDS was first acknowledged in print. The article from the Centers for Disease Control wasn’t widely read, and it didn’t give a name to the disease. (It would be another year before scientists...

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The slippery soapbox

I foolishly got involved in a heated online discussion about HIV and dating and disclosure this weekend. Foolish, that is, because in the midst of a lot of passionate — and often mean-spirited &mdash opinions firing back and forth, I...

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Candy store

Most of my medical stuff happens at the sexual health clinic rather than a GP's office, so the vibe in the waiting room is always a little weird. In the town where I used to live, this meant there were...

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Reaction Roulette

So it looks like my horrifying full-body case of the hives is an intense allergic reaction (My first real allergy! Huzzah!) to the new medication my doctor recommended, a reaction that kicked in just as the not-as-bad-as-everyone-said normal side effects...

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Twice a Day

Every day I have at least two moments when I long to be carefree and untethered by responsibilities. Most days, of course, have a thousand little obligations, responsibilities, deadlines, or other duties scattered around, but there's a depressing inevitability about...

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Get Rich Quick

I think I have a solution to my current financial crisis! Apparently, there's a growing number of irresponsible morons have started taking Viread, one of my meds, as a party drug, thinking it will prevent HIV infection instead of treating...

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Achoo!

Without fail, the change of seasons brings on a nasty cold for me. Sometimes better, sometimes worse, but always following a change in the weather. This time around it came a little later than usual, but I think I was...

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Statuette of Liberty

I just stumbled across this study I did for a poster illustration. I couldn't find a stock image of the statue that worked for what I had in mind, so I bought this statuette at a gift shop across...

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Ignoble Infirmity

I’ve been mostly bed-ridden for the last couple of days, wheezing my way through a nasty chest cold that’s thrown me for a loop. Miraculously, though, my giant-sized tonsils haven't gotten in on the act they're usually the first line...

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Done

Yesterday was a stunningly awful day that came hot on the heels of a week that wasn't awful but has been remarkably stressful. Yesterday was a combination of nagging stomach issues, stupid AT&T problems (FIVE hours on hold!), the ceiling...

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You're Allowed to Ask

For the first time in a while, the subject came up a couple of times this week once while discussing a project, again while chatting with Jessie and Chris during a much-needed caffeine break. I realized how much it's become...

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#928

This is my 928th blog entry (more or less there have been a number of guest writers, and I’ve deleted a few irrelevant technical announcements from former sites), having now combined into this one place all the posts ever made...

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Linking, Thinking

Today is World AIDS Day 2002, a day when we are all encouraged to take a moment to pause and consider HIV, AIDS, their impact on our society and others, and our own views about them. Frankly, I wish I...

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100 Things About Sparky

A meme makes for easy content. I admit it, and I often find it's a good way to babble on about some bit of nonsense when I’m not feeling particularly inspired. Plus, it also gives a nod toward community spirit....

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Stick 'Em Up

Ever since I was diagnosed, I get really tense whenever someone I’ve slept with goes for an HIV test. No matter how careful we've been, there's always that outside chance that something could happen, just the way something happened to...

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Cry-Baby

Working in a huge office sucks. There's nowhere to go and really hide when you can't stop bawling your eyes out. If this is how I’m starting the day, it's gonna be really ugly when I go for my inconvenient...

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Wheeze

Glenn and I are sitting around watching The Castro, the documentary about the history of the neighborhood and its gay culture, and they've just gotten to the part about the first wave of the AIDS epidemic in the eighties. And...

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And From the Department of Rude Surprises

Just so I don't have to repeat the news too often when I’m in no condition to do so: I’m still having panic attacks, I still love him but he's decided that he can only be my friend, I just...

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Pincushion

I’m really squeamish about needles, and all the blood I’ve been giving the last few months has only made things worse, rather than more tolerable through repitition. I guess part of the problem is that every time I give blood...

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July Test Results

Got my latest test results back on Friday, which were a little discouraging, but not altogether alarming: date viral load CD4 (T-cell) Count CD4 % 3/09/2001 282,000 p/ml 235 p/ml 16% 3/23/2001 246,000 p/ml 425 p/ml 16% 5/14/2001 660 p/ml...

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New Mediciney Goodness

I switched medicines today, sort of. since I’ve been doing so well on the three drugs I’ve been taking (AZT, 3TC, Ziagen), no gross side effects and impressive changes in my bloddwork and whatnot, I’ve switched from taking them as...

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Good News, All Things Considered

So after weeks of getting used to things — telling people, taking medicine every day, being tired and depressed more often than not — I finally got some encouraging news from my doctor today. One of the worst feelings (OK,...

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Breakdown, of a Sort

I finally lost my composure last night. I’ve managed to let go a little bit during the last two months since I found about the whole mess, but it's been a little forced. I got a little teary the first...

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Don't Rock the Boat

Ah, so this is that queasiness I was warned about. It's hitting me a couple of days later than I was led to believe, an I can't quite say it's a welcome relief. Riding a crowded subway car in the...

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Latest Stats, Latest Drugs

Just to catch up on the stats, I had more blood drawn on March 23, and I got the results the following Friday, March 31. The results were safely enough within the margin-of-error range of my last results to pretty...

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Yay! More Blood Samples!

I’ve had it with giving blood samples. I’m squeamish about needles under the best of circumstances, although I smile bravely and don't make a fuss when they're rquired. It's a bit harder now knowing that those samples really mean something....

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Sifting, Sifting

My infamous self-control of my temper is serving me well right now, but I’m really giving it a run for its money. I’m so tense, so wound-up, that I feel like I can't get to the big reaction that’s welling...

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Stats, Week 1

End of Week One: Ugh. There's plenty more to say, but it will take time to process it all. To cover the bare details, just so I don't forget: On Tuesday, March 6, 2001, I went for a perfectly run-of-the-mill...

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Insecure Freak

God, I can be such an insecure freak sometimes. This isn't helped by my occasional inability to make sense of a situation when I like a guy. Usually, it's no problem for me to figure out the who-likes-who dynamics of...

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Soapbox

I’m not participating in A Day Without Weblogs. This is not because I don't think AIDS awareness is important, or because I think it's a hollow gesture to remove your weblog for a day. On the contrary, I think any...

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Smack Is Wack

My brain is racing today. I started freelancing again, beginning with a three-week consulting project that’s going to involve lots of research and writing. Aren't I supposed to be a designer? Actually, I like changes of pace: that’s what keeps...

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