ultrahistorical
Please visit the active Ultrasparky blog to browse the for the content that has accumulated since this all began in 1996.
Timeless
I hope these Youtube videos stay online for a while, so you can all see this British documentary about John Waters, made around the time Hairspray (the first, non-musical one) was released. It's a little annoying to listen to Jonathan...
If I Had a Hammer...
...And a staple gun, and a few other choice tidbits, I could handle almost anything. Of course, I love hardware stores far too much to keep myself from picking up all sorts of specialty tools as the need arises, but...
New Year, New Century, New Cute Boys
Cutie Pie 2000! Here's a fresh batch of pilfered pics, just to mix things up a little. Don't worry, hormone hounds, the old bunch is still here. Cute Boys on the Web Chris Bickel, Smashter Billy, Daredevil Rex Booth, Exhibitionist...
A Cornucopia of Delights
I’m no fool, OK? I’m not so deluded as to think that I would have a chance with any models or really beefcakey guys. South American TV stars, maybe. This is just a wish list based on my picks of...
Peepshow II
Here's your humble host. I figured if you've come this far, your innate voyeurism must be chomping at the bit. Here's some stuff to peek at. Or you can just go back to the beginning. I’m not just into leather...
Peepshow
R-rated, though, not X. Sorry, fellas, but I have nieces and nephews out there, and a real sweet mom who doesn't need all the life shocked out of her. There's plenty of fun still to be had, though, so you...
I Really Dig Leather
But you might have guessed that. I like the feel of it, the look of it, the smell of it, the way it can conform so easily to the body beneath it, and all that other stuff that you can...
See Sparky Shoot
The result of too much time and film. All self-portraits, all taken in haste in order to finish rolls of film....
Musicians as Cute as a Button
There are much cuter or better-looking musicians out there in the world (any guy in the Cardigans comes to mind), but the Beasties, Beck, and the members of Man or Astro-Man? (well, except Dexter X) all have special appeal to...
Most Illinest B-Boys
I’ve liked the Beastie Boys ever since "License to Ill," and I’ve worshipped them since "Paul's Boutique," their brilliant album that was an inexplicable commercial dud. They're each in his own way chock full of all those qualities that always...
The Epiphany I Was Waiting to Have
My first reaction to the death of my older brother Bobby when I was thirteen was one of sheer confusion. I remember when I found my sister sitting and crying on the steps to our house, and when she explained...
Another Call to Arms, of a Sort
Subject: Neither Quark nor PageMaker is the answer Date: Wed, 20 May 1998 23:39:42 -0400 From: Daniel Rhatigan <Sparky@inch.com> Newsgroups: alt.zines Frequently, discussions in this group turn toward the practical discussions of zine-making: printing, computer programs, layout problems, etc. Everybody's...
The Minefield of Aggressive Language (Part 3)
Subject: Re: What's considered RACIST in the Zine World Date: Thu, 23 Apr 1998 16:21:09 -0400 From: Daniel Rhatigan <Sparky@inch.com> Newsgroups: alt.zines D. Halligan wrote: > one also needs to keep in mind that this is a newsgroup revolving around...
The Minefield of Aggressive Language (Part 2)
Subject: Re: AN OPEN LETTER Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 15:35:00 -0400 From: Daniel Rhatigan <Sparky@inch.com> Newsgroups: alt.zines Dolya wrote: > How can you complain about someone using a word if you use that word yourself? Easily. The complaint is...
The Minefield of Aggressive Language (Part 1)
Subject: Re: AN OPEN LETTER Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 09:44:32 -0400 From: Daniel Rhatigan <Sparky@inch.com> Newsgroups: alt.zines Shantia wrote: > and faggy is not an insult. Uh-oh, we're digging deeper into that thorny "use of language" issue again. I...
Plan Nine from Chelsea
To the best of my knowledge, this book was not really written by Ed Wood the filmmaker, nor is the gentleman featured on the cover a gay black. My guess is that "Ed Wood" was chosen at the time...
Macho Men
We all remember the Village People and their unique portrayal of a number of standard sterotypes and fantasy characters from the swinging gay New York City of the 70's. My question is: Why should we let them remain the end-all...
Every Life Should Have a Soundtrack
that’s the reason I can usually be found walking around with a Walkman on. I am so consumed by my love of music that I want it to surround me as often as possible. When I walk around, listening to...
More Than Advanced Life Forms from the Future
Now don't think that I mean to dis Dexter X. He gets a lot of credit for being the most Devo member of the Man or Astro-Man? invasion force. He just swings a little further out of "cute but nerdy...
The Good vs. The Bad and the Ugly
Good Lo-Tech Bad Hi-Tech Datebooks, Address Books, etc. Immediate access as long as you have the presence of mind to keep them with you Databases and Electronic Calendars Vulnerable to power outages and and disk crashes; it takes a...
I’m a Bad Geek
I'll be the first to admit that I’m a big nerd. I was a little slow to give myself over to the world of electronics — I never played video games very much, and I never used a word processor...
He's Got a Devilish Haircut
There are plenty of places to go for more comprehensive information about Beck, so I won't bother you with all the biographical information or the discography or anything like that. I’ve only recently had my eyes opened to the real...
All Hail the Future!
Pray at the altar of energy. Yet another incredible find from the archives of the ASME, this one from a German electrical engineering journal. Leave it to the Germans to portray this large bit of mystery apparatus as some...
Is That Really Natural Gas?
Oh, the sad and sorry life of Francine Fishpaw! But the pungently sweet glories of having my very own Odorama card! Carefully preserved since a 1988 showing of "Polyester" at Cinema Village in New York, I only take this...
What Made Me into the Nerd I Am Today
One of my primary reasons for starting the print version of Rumpus Room back in 1994 was that I had a burning, frustrated passion for graphic design. I had gotten it stuck in my head at an early age that...
I have HAD It!
One of the recurring themes of my sad, sorry life is my inability to find that ideal sidekick who's just the right combination of brainiac, goofball, sidekick, hipster, nerd, sexual dynamo, little kid, and muse. Granted, I’m pretty fussy,...
Shocking Personal Facts About Sparky
Hi boys and girls, I’m Sparky, known to my parents, relatives, co-workers, and many of my pals as Dan Rhatigan. (To my dismay, many of the kinfolk still refer to me as "Danny," the diminutive of my name that...
The Rumpus Room Manifesto
Originally written in February 1994. I tend to feel disenfranchised, outcast, eccentric. I’ve got feminist sensibilities that make me feel guilty because I’m a man. I feel like my manhood is skewed because I’m not a straight man, so I...
Ha-chah chah cha!
You've either got a morbid curiosity or a hopped-up libido. Either way, here's a peek at the racier side of the Rumpus Room....
Imagine you're hearing a low wolf whistle
If you've come this far, you should know right off the bat that I’m not holding out for some unearthly hunk that’s so far out of my league that I may as well be playing another sport altogether. Attraction is...
Figures on a Beach
Venice Beach is a smorgasbord of friends and family. A few quick snaps......
This "Perfect Love" Business Is Horseshit!
I’m pretty convinced of it. I desperately want to believe that such a thing exists, but I’m immediately suspicious whenever people claim to have found it. I think they're deluding themselves. Don't get me wrong. I think love is out...
Sparky Gets Dissed Again
Over and over, I keep thinking of that one thing you said: "You're the last person I want to . . . hurt . . . like this." I’ve got a fucking news flash for you — TOO FUCKING LATE!...
The Painful Truth Is It Might Be Worth It
Written by Mark Scarola "I merely stir, press, feel with my fingers, and am happy, To touch my person to someone else's is about as much as I can stand." — Walt Whitman, "Song of Myself" So, having been informed...
It Just Don't Come Easy
Welcome, humans, to the second fab-u-luxe trip into the depths of the rumpus room. As promised, this issue is devoted to "The Search for the Elusive Perfect Love," a topic near and dear to all of our hearts, presumably. The...
Where All Men Are United in the Love of Chicken-N-Waffle
Roscoe's the name and they call me the king, grandmaster of the chicken and the waffle thing. I said read my lips and, friends, don't miss a word 'Cause the grandmaster's gonna give you the bird! When I first saw...
The Yin/Yang Karma Wheel of Self-Love
By David Melito When contemplating the search for the elusive perfect love, I feel the need to borrow a phrase from the Diet Coke Diva herself — "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." It's true, Whitney:...
Checklist
Media junkie that I am, I naturally checked out a lot of stuff while I was in L.A. In the interest of passing on useful information, here are brief reviews of movies, music, and zines that came my way during...
An Entertainment Bonanza
I don't know if it's possible to really explain Marty and Elayne. At least, I don't think anyone could express exactly what it's like to see them, to hear them. Marty and Elayne are a husband-and-wife lounge act who perform...
Spurning Los Angeles
Written by Mark Scarola For some, culture shock can be an ugly and brutal reality Mark Scarola has suffered the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. He fled Los Angeles shortly before I arrived there. This is his story. "What...
Boogie Nights at the Moonlight Rollerway
When was the last time you went roller skating? I don't mean sleek rollerblades, I mean four thick wheels, big orange stopper in the front, disco blaring all around you. that’s what happened to me and my friends at the...
Gawking in L.A.
Dan Rhatigan, your resident megalomaniacal self-publisher, wrote, lived, and photographed this shocking tale of disaster and wonderment. Accommodations provided by Northwest Airlines and the sinister Dr. Lau. This was my first time Wow. I mean it — wow. Wow. Wow!...
alt.youth.media
Ooze bites the hand that feeds it! Ooze came one step closer to its formidable goal of total media domination this past fall when it was included in an exhibit called alt.youth.media at New York's New Museum of Contemporary...
The Fashionable Nature of Valuables
To date, this is still the single worst — and the most delightful — butchered translation I have ever seen. From a package of Jian Fei Cha tea purchased at Shanghai No. 1 Department Store....
Beads and Blankets
This is one of the few pictures from a South African travel brochure (circa approximately 1960) that actually shows some of the native population. No, this was not an early sign of the fall of apartheid, though. I quote:...
Callico Calliope!
Boston. July 4. Summer of 1990. These flyers were littered all over Boston's Back Bay neighborhood. Mark, Ed, Joe, and Dave were walking around with me when we discovered this impassioned plea for the return of this lost kitty....
Oooh, Typing - It's Dreamy!
This just turned up during my weekly visit to the local thrift store. Another beautiful example of design from an age of truly wonderful high-spirited typography. The package itself, though, is an anachronistic dream — a touch-typing course on...
Le Car Cards
My roommate Mark came home from the weekly visit to the neighborhood thrift store with a set of Milles Bournes cards that Parker Brothers put out some time in the sixties. (Milles Bournes is a card game where you...
Fresh - Minty Fresh!
I purchased these mints in the Shanghai airport. I went into the lounge to try and get rid of some loose change when my jaw hit the floor upon seeing a box full of these mints. Having grown up...
A Boy's Best Friend
My friend Eileen, known for her eagle eye when it comes to the subtleties of Americana, found this small prayer card for me at a religious statue and souvenir shop in downtown Boston. She instantly knew that I would see...
Broiling or Frying Teenagers?
I found this little gem on the roof of my building one day, apparently a leftover from my landlord's Memorial Day barbecue. I’m so enamored of this mysterious boxtop that I don't even really want to know exactly what...