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Ass-Guardian

Ass Guardian, get it?

OK, so if you've been reading Young Avengers at all, then you know that they've done a nice job (so far) of including two sweet gay boys among the ranks, with a minimum of fanfare. (But probably, somewhere, a fair amount of fan outrage. 'Cuz the gays are bad, right?) I like that they built up to the revelation slowly, and then didn't even "reveal" in a big, flash-balloon sort of way as much as they just made it come up in conversation. I like that Wiccan (the junior Thor character, who turned out to be a teenage warlock) and Hulkling (the junior Hulk, who turned out to be a shape-shifter) are dating and pretty well-adjusted about the whole thing, too. In fact, the amusing twist is that they're more worried about telling their folks that they're superheroes, and their attempt to come clean results in an amusing show of PFLAG-iness from Wiccan's parents:

Kids these days

In the Marvel universe, after all, parents are probably relieved to have gay kids instead of mutant kids. Let's hope neither kid turns out to be a mutant, or else they're bound to be sent off to those boobs at the Xavier Institute.

The series hasn't gotten around to origin stories for either of the pair, but I have a theory about Hulkling, at least...

I think Hulkling drank Skrull milk as a baby.

Remember Fantastic Four Annual #17, where our heroes discovered that a little farm town in upstate New York (just north of Gayville according to the FF's giant map — no foolin'!) had gone all wacko after drinking milk that came from a group of Skrulls that had been hypnotised into thinking they were really cows? (Yeah, Reed, nice job fucking up the ecosystem. Thanks.)

Moooooo

Once they figured out what had happened, the Fantastic Four gave everyone in town an antidote and then destroyed all dairy supplies and crops infecte with Skrull DNA (because of course the Skrull-tainted townsfolk started watering their crops with Skrull milk, natch'). The last panel of the story, though, shows a truck delivering milk to a nearby Army base as Reed babbles on about how the Skrull DNA also carries the Skrulls' warlike tendencies. Oooooooh, ominous!

Thankfully, there were never any follow-up stories about aggressive, shape-changing Army troppers, but there were never any explanations about what happened to the original Skrull cows, either. I think we'll find out Hulkling was an Army brat, or a farm kid from somewhere upstate (Gayville, of course, would be the perfect choice) who was accidentally weened off his mom's boob and onto Skrull milk, and thus eventually developed his shape-shifting abilities. Particularly since he's shown a tendency to turn into a big, green brute.

But if he's also inherited some of the Skrulls' aggressive tendencies, will he turn out to be a die-hard top? A bossy bottom? A vicious queen? As with all gay kids, only time will tell.

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