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Holding Out

I haven't had sex with anyone in a couple of months now. Frankly, I haven't been very eager to. After a three-year period of really getting to know my inner slut and having lots of kinds of sex with lots of kinds of guys, I realized that as much as I like a varied sexual palette, I also really like getting to know someone and having some kind of interaction with him beyond the saliva and the cum. Anonymous sex, for instance, can be hot as hell, but it's a fleeting charm for me that is more of a distraction that anything else.

Last winter, I met a guy who I really fell for in a major way. It didn't work out, unfortunately, but it confirmed my suspicions that I really like a little intimacy and care to go along with my fucking, sucking, sweating, swinging activities. I haven't really wanted to go out and just fuck someone on the rebound. That little dose of perspective that came with falling in love for the first time in a while has made me a little more interested in holding out for a good thing.

Not that a good thing necessarily has to be another volatile romance. I got over falling in love with every guy I liked a long, long time ago. My years of finally getting to sow my wild oats taught me to make the distinction (and even the various possible connections) between sex, friendship, crushes, love, and simple attraction. I’m eager to fuck around while I shop around: I just don't feel like compromising so often again. If I’m going to have casual sex, I want to it to be white-hot casual sex that lets me explore my reportoire and my tastes a little more, not just a random fuck for the sake of a fuck. And I don't want to date just for the sake of dating and putting myself back on the market: if I’m going to go out on a proper date, I’m going to want to feel a little potential.

In the last few years, I dated and slept around with a little more need for positive reinforcement than I would have admitted. Learning that I wasn't such a charity case was one of the best things that came out of all that. I may not be the most confident guy you've ever met, but in my more realistic moments I’m willing to admit that I’ve got a fuck of a lot to offer — personally and sexually — and guys who can appreciate me aren't necessarily so rare. There's no reason for me to lower my sights just because I’m not getting much action lately. I’m not so desperate that I have to go through the aggravation of being around someone and wishing I’d never bothered in the first place.

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