In my cold-induced delerium last week I failed to notice that Friday was not the 13th, but actually the 12th, so there is no superstitious reason for my counter resetting. Now I just know I lost count after all that traffic. Pain in the butt.
But not a pain as big as the one in my throat. Thanks to the effects of a week-long bout of a runny nose, my tonsils have swollen to impossible new dimensions. It feels like I’m choking on a pair of eggs. At least they don't seem to actually be infected. I can't wait for the day when I have the time to rip these babies the hell out!
I drive again tomorrow. Clear the streets!
I drove a car for the first time last night. In case anyone needs to justify their fear of driving in New York, let me point out that my driving school had no qualms about putting me behind the wheel for the first time at night, during the tail end of rush hour, and making me drive around the maze-like, pedestrian-filled streets of the West Village. This did not do very good things for my frazzled nerves. Obviously, this driving thing is gonna take some time for me to get the hang of. I can understand now why people suggest starting out in a big, open parking lot. Every time I was trying to get the feel for how fast or slow the damn thing would go, or how much it would actually turn in response to how I turned the steering wheel, there was suddenly a cab's headlights in my peripheral vision, and some guy walking a dog in front of me.
I was feeling very fragile when it was all over. If I were you, I’d stay away from that neighborhood at 10:00 next Thursday, when I have my second lesson.
I hate it when I don't pick up new things right away. But it's high time I tackled this driving thing once and for all.
An online journal is a stupid thing for me to try, considering how much I prefer to just keep my mouth shut about my life. I suppose it's another attempt to make myself be a little more candid. Catch me at the right time and I’m actually quite chatty about what's on my mind, but I admit to a certain self-consciousness about being as fickle as I am. I find it a little embarrassing to explain why I change my mind about big things so often. I try, though, to keep in mind the wise words of my friend Casey: "Life is a journey. Whatever." Considering the sheer force of will it takes for me to conquer this little quirk and be straightforward about things, I also get frustrated when that effort is not reciprocated. (The gentlemen to whom I am referring may never see this page, but just in case...)
Latest developments: Following up on a rare opportunity that presented itself when I went to Baltimore in October, I’ve been interviewing for a job with a software company in Darien, Connecticut. I figured it was time to buckle down and accept the commute and the regular schedule in exchange for a big enough slary boost to get myself the hell out of debt once and for all. I don't mean to sound so cynical — I wouldn't take the job if I didn't think I’d have fun and learn a lot. I'll get to travel a lot, they'll pay for my lunch every day, and I'll take another step down that long, unmarked road toward integrating my computer nerd side with my art fag side.
And it gives me a good excuse to tell Pratt to "fuck off" once and for all. As much as I enjoy the classes I’ve been taking, I also realize that I’ve spent thousands of dollars and an aggravating amount of time on two semesters of graduate school during I learned almost nothing new of any substance. Pratt's program is good, but I have too much experience as a designer to get much out of it when I can only concentrate on it part-time. It feels more like an arts-and-crafts camp with a lot of work more than anything else. I'll almost certainly learn more stuff at this new job about the particular design/technology issues that interest me than I would have from getting my degree in design, anyway.
We'll see, I suppose. Wish me luck.
Oh, one more thing. I just saw the film Last Night, which was pretty good and raised an interesting question: If you knew for certain that the world was going to end at a specific time, what would you want to be doing at that time? I’m still considering my choices.